My Life Is Infinitely Worthy of Respect
“As I work to safeguard the dignity of human life, I awaken to the dignity of my own.” Garrett Welch, from the US, shares how navigating setbacks and confronting his deepest insecurities awakened him to a greater sense of purpose.
How did you encounter Nichiren Buddhism?
During the fall of 2017, I was at the lowest point in my life. I was experiencing severe mental health challenges, including crippling anxiety and depression, and none of my treatments or therapy were helping me get better. I suffered a rather devastating heartbreak in high school that had a significant impact on my self-esteem. Coupled with deep-seated perfectionist tendencies, I became consumed with self-hatred over my perceived inadequacies. These challenges were so overwhelming that I had to drop out of college. I felt trapped in a vicious downward spiral of self-destruction. I ended up cutting myself off from my friends and loved ones and abusing substances to escape my reality.
Around this time, I encountered a video titled Buddhism and Creativity, a lecture delivered by legendary jazz pianist Herbie Hancock at Harvard University in 2014. I’m a pianist myself, and I’ve always been a huge fan of Herbie’s music, so I was intrigued. This video blew my mind, and I instantly connected with the ideas that he shared. I liked the idea that Buddhism is an empowering philosophy based on the law of cause and effect and that the individual has the capacity to shape their destiny.
Even though I was virtually unreachable, his words struck a chord in my heart, and I deeply sensed that he was sharing the profound truth. But even more than his words, I was struck by Herbie’s character, which shined with genuine humility and profound compassion. I decided to try this practice of Buddhism for myself.
I called the Soka Gakkai center in my area and attended my first meeting.
What happened after you started your Buddhist practice?
My life didn’t magically transform all at once. However, encountering Buddhism amid such suffering strongly motivated me to begin chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo every day and study Buddhist principles that could address the root of my suffering. I also started participating in Soka Gakkai activities in my local district.
The leaders there extended an open invitation for me to join them in chanting each morning whenever I was available. I felt that they truly cared for me and believed in the value of my life, even when I didn’t. I spent many late evenings engaged in exhilarating conversation with the young men’s leader as he patiently fielded my endless stream of questions about various Buddhist concepts.
Through their consistent encouragement, I slowly started to understand the meaning of faith and that my life is infinitely worthy of respect. As a result, I made significant strides toward developing the compassion for myself that had previously been missing. I also awakened to a deep inner drive to use my life to contribute to a greater purpose.
You have developed a passion for working toward the abolition of nuclear weapons. How did you get involved with this work?
In 2019, I began reading President Daisaku Ikeda’s The New Human Revolution, which chronicles the global development of the Soka Gakkai and examines significant world events that occurred. His penetrating perspectives on such events like the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Vietnam War and the normalization of Sino-Soviet relations during the Cold War stimulated my interest in the issue of nuclear weapons disarmament and abolition. It also drove home to me the profundity of one of my favorite quotes from Nichiren’s writings: “When the skies are clear, the ground is illuminated. Similarly, when one knows the Lotus Sutra, one understands the meaning of all worldly affairs.”
I decided to reenroll in university, changing my major to political science with a focus on global politics and policy. In December 2021, I applied and was accepted to attend the First Meeting of States Parties to the Treaty on the Prohibition of Nuclear Weapons (TPNW), set to be held the following summer. The TPNW is the first legally binding treaty to comprehensively prohibit nuclear weapons.
What did you gain from this experience?
Attending this meeting at the United Nations Headquarters in Vienna, Austria, was a life-changing experience. I got to connect with other young people from all over the world who are passionate about this cause. I also had the immense privilege of meeting hibakusha, survivors of the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and hearing their stories firsthand. This experience solidified my determination to work for the abolition of nuclear weapons.
Throughout, I continued to chant, support Soka Gakkai activities and experience the benefits of my Buddhist practice in my daily life. After graduating with my bachelor’s degree in May 2022, I was accepted into a master’s program in International Human Rights. Later, in Spring 2023, I was accepted into a competitive study abroad program in Vienna, and I had the incredible opportunity to work as an intern for the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN).
Despite experiencing these victories, I still struggled with my self-worth. A journal entry from that time reads: “I feel like all of my victories are a giant fluke. I don’t fundamentally deserve any of these successes, and it’s an accident that I keep stumbling upon victories.”
Sounds like a case of imposter syndrome.
Yes, textbook. This tendency has always been a major obstacle in my life, and it followed me to Europe.
In Vienna, I began dating again, which brought up my deep-seated insecurities and tendency to seek validation outside of myself. When she broke it off, I was excluded from our group of friends. Yet I lived at the school and continued to see them, which made me feel suffocated and unbearably lonely.
One night, I had a mental breakdown, so I reached out to two of my Soka Gakkai friends from the local area. We chanted together, and they warmly listened to my struggles and encouraged me. When I returned to school, I was amazed by how radically different my life condition was before and after our visit. I can think of many other occasions in Europe when my Soka Gakkai community completely revived my spirit and reminded me that I mattered.
During this time, I also avidly studied President Ikeda’s writings. In particular, this passage deeply encouraged me at a crucial moment:
“In the course of our practice . . . various things arise on account of the negative causes and tendencies in our own lives. There may be times when we think, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ But we should not be swayed every time such phenomena arise, for it is already certain that we will become happy in the end. We should regard everything that happens to us in our practice as our training. If we do so, then later we will see the profound meaning and intention underlying each of these phenomena.”
It became clear to me that I was still struggling to truly grasp one of the most foundational principles in Buddhism: that my life itself is infinitely worthy of respect. I realized that, without understanding this truth in the depths of my life, a true sense of belonging and wholeness would forever elude me, regardless of my external accomplishments.
In a sense, even my pursuit of nuclear disarmament was partially a means for me to feel worthy through working on an issue of such monumental importance. However, practicing Buddhism is about establishing a deeper, absolute happiness that is not dependent on external circumstances.
At the same time, I am always reminding myself of the unfathomable debt of gratitude that I owe to President Ikeda and my seniors in faith who have nurtured me over the years. Without them, I would not be on the path that I have taken in life. Through chanting to transform my root tendencies, I have learned that focusing on my debt of gratitude enables me to shift my core motivations from “being good enough” into an expression of my appreciation. I am still working on internalizing these lessons, but they helped carry me through to successfully completing my classes in Vienna.
What does the future hold?
I am on track to graduate from my master’s program this summer, and I secured a remote summer internship with another organization that works on nuclear policy issues. Advocating for nuclear disarmament is a part of my mission, and I will always be involved in this work in one way or another.
Now, I don’t seek external validation through my nuclear disarmament work. One of my long-standing dreams is to encounter my life partner, and I will continue chanting to develop a joyful and healthy relationship.
Nichiren Daishonin states, “Chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is what is meant by entering the palace of oneself.” Referencing this passage, President Ikeda explains:
“The indestructible life state of Buddhahood exists within us all. It could be described as an everlasting palace of happiness, adorned with countless glittering treasures. By embracing faith in the Mystic Law and chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, we can enter this palace within our lives. In other words, the Daishonin teaches that we have the capacity to make the ‘palace of oneself’ shine with supreme brilliance.”
These days, my life is full to the brim with commitments. Among my greatest joys, however, is meeting with the young men in my region to study and chant with them on a consistent basis. As I dive head-first into the unknown, I am determined to continue building my “palace of oneself,” the home that I bring with me everywhere and in every moment. Moreover, I want to help others experience this for themselves. I look forward to continually fostering a genuine sense of fulfillment in every aspect of my life based on the belief that “fundamentally, I am a Buddha, just as I am.”
Adapted from an article in the July 2024 issue of Living Buddhism, SGI-USA.
